Holding myself accountable- Hitting the wall

Its been a while since I wrote a blog. I’ve had many excuses, mostly time ones. I write for all my Facebook pages and Instagram pages, I run a business and teach classes and seriously, time is an issue.

I also travel like a crazy woman and this time, I’m really hurting. I’ve just come through a seven week trip that took me through 5 countries and 10 flights. Woven into the teaching tours were of course many personal issues mostly to do with an aging parent. To say it was stressful would be underwhelming.

So what about the title of this and what is happening to me personally? Here’s how I see it. I don’t hold myself accountable. I am so very good at handing out the advice but somehow I have lost my way. And this morning while brushing my teeth (granted it was 3.30 am since I’m jet lagged) it hit me around the back of the head, that I was moaning about stuff that I can, and now WILL do something about.

First of all, this 60 something body. I do try and take care of it, but if I’m honest, I’m not very nice to it. Whenever I feel down and out, I always go back to my true love of ballet. I pull myself up and onto the barre. But when you are 60 something and you haven’t been to class for two years and in that time your hip has dislocated, you have had your neck in a collar, you’ve knocked yourself out by running into a glass door plus have traveled through Asia for the past 7 weeks- you know that doing barre is probably not going to sit well with said body. And it didn’t. But instead of backing off and being gentle, I chose to berate. And then things began to spiral out of control before I took stock.

I will now become my own client and begin to sort myself out. Here is a list of what I will do in the coming weeks. By writing this blog and the following blogs, I will have to stay accountable for my actions. Here’s the first list going forward.

Get my butt back to the doctors- as we all know, our healthcare system makes it hard to be well. I have to admit, I have given up the struggle to be diagnosed as having Marfan’s Syndrome. It has been exhausting. But with a diagnosis, I will be able to access the other doctors I need to see.

Build my physical strength back up SLOWLY!!! Oh my god- every ex professional dancer will understand how we never go back to basics but start where we left off . I never learn.

Say no. Enough said.

Boundaries. Enough said.

I think that’s good for today. I wish I had had the strength to say I wouldn’t be back to teach today since I am still really tired and heartsick with personal family issues, but there you go.

Today I will call my doctor and resume my fight (because that is what is it) for a diagnosis.

Wish me well.

One thought on “Holding myself accountable- Hitting the wall

  1. I am with you on this. The last few years, and especially the last year have taken a toll. I was not gentle with myself by having to be “on” all of the time. My goal as of today is to allow myself to linger in bed in the mornings that I can in order to rest and heal. My mind harasses me to get productive and I will rebel by resting

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *