Holding myself accountable- Quitting,in a good sense.

So, what did I do in the last few days to help myself?

First of all, I had a session with my mentor and energy healer, Deborah Graham. She sets me up before I travel, does work on me during my travels and then grounds me again once I arrive back. I have mentored with her during my training as an Esoteric Healer and I continue to listen to her advice. I felt much clearer after my session and slept like a baby.

Secondly, and this is huge. I made the decision to stop teaching. I have been teaching either dance, fitness and Pilates for over 40 years. It’s in my DNA. Since it is so much a part of who I am, it has been hard to realize that my teaching hours are making me sick. I very carefully balance my day now with food breaks and rest breaks and when I stick to my routine, I can live with less pain and inflammation. When I travel of course this all goes out the window, though I am strict with food and rest still, but the teaching hours and flying are brutal.

One reason to stop is the guilt trip- if i’m sick, tired or otherwise needy, I hardly ever cancel a client but make myself more sick, tired and needy as a result. But honestly? Said client will never feel bad about cancelling on you. They have more sense. But us? We believe we are somehow indispensable.

Another reason is the pay. I know some of you earn a living teaching Pilates, but I never have. My teacher trainings of course are a different matter but as you can see, the price in time and energy and health, flying all over the world demands a living wage. But workshops are not consistent and can be cancelled due to low numbers etc. My teaching of clients has always been a way for me to keep my skills and to also perhaps in some small way, give back. But there has to come a time where YOUR life means more than the people you are serving. In order to make a sustainable living wage teaching Pilates on a daily basis, I would have to teach 8 hours or more a day. I can no longer do that. Four is my limit now and after that, there is no going home to work on my main business.

Which brings me to my main business. I am having to re define my position within my business. I cannot nor do I want to be the prime teacher of my programs. I would much rather be the person behind the scenes, running the business and put people in place to take over what I am currently doing.(Faculty- take note- you may be increasingly busy in the coming months).

I know that all this will take time to sort out but the first and most important step has been taken. I will no longer be a teacher. And that is somehow freeing. I am looking forward to being a student, because I will perhaps have some time for the things I want to learn about. And no, they won’t be anything to do with Pilates. It may not have anything to do with movement either! I may just have to sit still for the first time in my life and THAT sounds wonderful right now.