Well, here I am, at the start of 2020 with a renewed sense of purpose and vision.
I will admit that the past few weeks have been nerve raking in their uncertainty and scary in the instability of my finances. But in hindsight it was what I needed to do.
I knew at a deep level that my life as it was, was totally unsustainable. The daily teaching of clients would not allow me to financially retire, and the stress of long haul flights and teacher training in various cities around the world was really taking a toll on my physical and mental health.
It has almost been as hard to stop as it was to start this process. The guilt was palpable and the sense of loss, great. But with age and perhaps maturity, I have learned to wait it out. And slowly, surely, the fog has began to clear.
What joy it has been to wake up every morning and know that the whole day is mine! To do with what I want. For a time, that would be sitting watching Netflix or walking around the lake. I began to be interested in cooking again and spent hours rolling out and baking Christmas cookies. I went shopping. I had thoughts other than about my business. I had a life. And having experienced this, I want to save it.
I have allowed the process to unfold without a sense of panic and limit. I haven’t held myself to any given time line or end result. I’ve dug deep to counter the rising panic with calm logic- “I’ve been here before” “I’ve been WORSE off before” “I’ve been ok before”. In fact, as I listen to myself, I realize just how much I have done in the past and my goodness, here I am, in all my glory, ready to step into my power once again and stride purposefully on this new path that has opened up for me.
One of the biggest changes that has happened has been in the functioning of my brain. I have never been good at business, or so I keep telling myself. But all of a sudden it makes perfect sense what I have to do now. No more workshops on the latest product or anatomy and fascia. Now I have to learn how I can bring the years of work together and build a team to take this further than I could ever do on my own. Yes, I am enrolled in a business course and loving every minute of it. It validates what I have done and shows me what I have yet to do. And all with success. This is heady stuff.
And just like that, without too much angst and hand wringing, I signed a lease on a small space yesterday with the intention of filling it with classes teaching my work and mentor ship programs for all those teachers who have trained with me. I will run the majority of my courses here at my space and gradually hand over the rest to my wonderful faculty world wide.
For the first time in years I am truly excited again by life.
Happy New Year everyone, may it be fulfilling and joyous.